Love Redefined
It's hard to believe, that it was exactly a year ago, since my last blog post. I remember starting this thing with such viger and high hopes of writing everyday. But, as most things, life got in the way and my heart started to harden as I drove along.
Almost a year ago, my summer was filled with camping, friends, laughter and love. Life was great, my faith was high and I appreciated everything that came my way. Then, some hard lefts hit the path. My boyfriend started to go blind, quite literally and it was terrifying. There were several months we both faced the unknown. would he go completely blind? Could they reverse the problems caused by his diabetes? Was surgery even an option? What would life look like if he did go blind? Would I stay or run?
I watched the man I love struggle with his own mortality, the realization of his own limitations, and coming to terms with his circumstance. He even went as far as to give me several opportunities to leave the relationship, claiming it wasn't fair for him to put me through such uncertainty and short comings. We hoped and prayed for a old testimate style healing, wondering why would a series of unfortunate events be allowed. I remember flirting with the temptation to run. I would tell myself, he would be okay if I had left. However, those fears could not convenience me to run. I told him often that HE would be okay, and as I analyzed my options, I decided, I can not and will not leave.
A genuinely loving relationship, is more than the feelings and goosebumps. Sooner or later, Sh** hits the fan and life gets very real. I had decided this man I was dating, was worth more than being tossed aside because of a mere illness. He showed me what it was to be myself and not afraid, he encouraged me, challenged me, and loved everything about me. I had decided this was too precious to simply toss aside, like none of it mattered. I loved him, I wanted him, and whatever WE faced we would face it together. My words began to change from He would be okay to I love you, WE will be okay.
When I tell him I love him, I am saying, I am here, We are here, This isn't going away.
If we are to be Christians following Christs example, love isn't feelings. God isn't a teenage girl, running away from us if we stop talking to him, or when situations move away from the fuzzy warm feelings and life gets real. So, why is it expected or normal for us, humans, act so immaturely? He sets an example of acceptance and unconditional grace and love. He accepts us as we are, and I should be happy to accept my situation, and boyfriend as he is.
As for the realization of healing, his eyesight isn't prefect, however, it has improved better than the doctors had ever thought possible. I believe, that through the experience, it was a test for both of us. Testing our character and dedication to each other.
He was going to purpose that summer, I was wanting him to purpose. however, I believe it would have been to early. I have learned what it is to love and move passed the teenage romance. I have learned what it means to be with someone through thick and thin, and I have learned what it means to let another love me back.
Two surgeries and several emotional/spiritual battles later, he finally purposed. We stand here, five weeks away from saying I do for the rest of our lives, and I am confident that we can make it through anything as long as Our example and Father stand before us, the forefront of our vision. My goal is Jesus, my partner and best friend is Bryan.
Almost a year ago, my summer was filled with camping, friends, laughter and love. Life was great, my faith was high and I appreciated everything that came my way. Then, some hard lefts hit the path. My boyfriend started to go blind, quite literally and it was terrifying. There were several months we both faced the unknown. would he go completely blind? Could they reverse the problems caused by his diabetes? Was surgery even an option? What would life look like if he did go blind? Would I stay or run?
I watched the man I love struggle with his own mortality, the realization of his own limitations, and coming to terms with his circumstance. He even went as far as to give me several opportunities to leave the relationship, claiming it wasn't fair for him to put me through such uncertainty and short comings. We hoped and prayed for a old testimate style healing, wondering why would a series of unfortunate events be allowed. I remember flirting with the temptation to run. I would tell myself, he would be okay if I had left. However, those fears could not convenience me to run. I told him often that HE would be okay, and as I analyzed my options, I decided, I can not and will not leave.
A genuinely loving relationship, is more than the feelings and goosebumps. Sooner or later, Sh** hits the fan and life gets very real. I had decided this man I was dating, was worth more than being tossed aside because of a mere illness. He showed me what it was to be myself and not afraid, he encouraged me, challenged me, and loved everything about me. I had decided this was too precious to simply toss aside, like none of it mattered. I loved him, I wanted him, and whatever WE faced we would face it together. My words began to change from He would be okay to I love you, WE will be okay.
When I tell him I love him, I am saying, I am here, We are here, This isn't going away.
If we are to be Christians following Christs example, love isn't feelings. God isn't a teenage girl, running away from us if we stop talking to him, or when situations move away from the fuzzy warm feelings and life gets real. So, why is it expected or normal for us, humans, act so immaturely? He sets an example of acceptance and unconditional grace and love. He accepts us as we are, and I should be happy to accept my situation, and boyfriend as he is.
As for the realization of healing, his eyesight isn't prefect, however, it has improved better than the doctors had ever thought possible. I believe, that through the experience, it was a test for both of us. Testing our character and dedication to each other.
He was going to purpose that summer, I was wanting him to purpose. however, I believe it would have been to early. I have learned what it is to love and move passed the teenage romance. I have learned what it means to be with someone through thick and thin, and I have learned what it means to let another love me back.
Two surgeries and several emotional/spiritual battles later, he finally purposed. We stand here, five weeks away from saying I do for the rest of our lives, and I am confident that we can make it through anything as long as Our example and Father stand before us, the forefront of our vision. My goal is Jesus, my partner and best friend is Bryan.
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