My Curious Existence

There will always be moments that I wish I could do over or take back. Sometimes it's something I've said or stupid things I've done just to get a laugh. I often feel like I'm the butt of the joke, and no one really takes me seriously. I realize, most of this is in my head or perhaps it's my shoulder devil whispering his little lies into my ear. But there will always be the fear that says, "What if it's true?" What if, I'm the one that always screws things up, or I am always the butt of all the jokes? Which then spirals into, well, I'm short and out of shape, I'm not pretty enough, why would anyone like me? These thoughts often race as I steal a glimpse of myself through a mirror. But they're almost always followed by scolding myself. I quickly, shake my head and think, "No, You can't follow this lie. You can't give in." Once you give in, it seems almost impossible to feel like you're actually living. I've be...

It was one of those restless nights. My mind wouldn't settle and I found it difficult to drift. Even though, I had awaken, several times before, I couldn't get myself out of bed until it was too late. 6:30 had arrived too soon and I needed to rush from the comfort of my home. I'd rather soak in every peaceful moments I should have had but, it's too late to reminisce on what could have been. It was now time to face the world of mindless flesh eaters looking for the next kill. After making myself look presentable I cracked the front door and peered outside. I barricaded myself behind the door clutching the handle tight. No one in sight, sprinting to the car, My leg caught a stray branch of a nearby rose bush. As the thorns ripped my flesh, I jumped into the front seat. I took a second and waited to see if anything heard me, nothing came. It's a miracle the scent, of the now flowing blood from my shin, doesn't attract these monsters, like sharks to prey. Holding ...

Do you ever sit and watch squirrels run across the telephone wires? Or have you ever notice how they chirp at you if you stare too long? Or perhaps you've noticed that they seem to know when to prepare for a harsh winter? A couple years ago, we had a long cold winter. It's uncommon for our particular area to get hit with snow that seems to last longer than a couple hours. But that year, it lasted two weeks. In the months prior, my mother began to notice that the squirrels in our area had grown thicker, fluffier coats, and they seemed to have been hoarding more nuts than previous years. We took noticed and watched curiously as these creatures began preparing for what they knew to be a hard long winter. This leads me to my point, or better stated, observation. Why don't we prepare ourselves, such as the animals do? We're intelligent beings, we've been given the gifts of reason and critical thinking. Yet, we squander what we work for, and wallow in waste. We've...

I'll end today reflecting. You see, I'm working on change. Change in behaviors, finances, goals, self image, and self confidence. I like to think I'm a confident person. Well, at least for other people. I'm almost certain that everyone else in the world  has more confidence in their pinky than I have in my entire body. I usually allow my fears to take over, sending me into a hyperventilating mess of a human being sobbing on the floor. Alright, I'm exaggerating... A little! I see people who seem as if they have it all figured out and put together. They appear to be making a difference, to be succeeding, but I feel lost. What is the difference between them and I? Is it simply a facade, are they just pretending? Perhaps they are, but all this worrying about who's got it all together isn't going to do me any good either. I know I need to step out and do it, to reach just beyond my comfort zone. To be willing to lay down the worries and what if's to see...

Copyright: Kara Brooks (that's my actual bike) Everyday, I get up dreading the work day ahead. I'm one of those people living for the weekend. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't need to get up at 5:30 am. However, that is my choice since I refuse to move closer to work and about an hours drive away from my friends, family, and boyfriend. I'm a homebody no getting around it. I love my current city, it's just right for me. Though, I dream of the days when I can work closer to home and have the freedom to stroll to a local coffee shop, crack open the laptop, and start my day there. I especially love the way my city looks in early fall. The trees have turned a lovely shade of golden orange and yellow, with sparks of green life burst here and there, it's picturesque! Truth is, I dream of freedom. I kind of romanticize the idea of the hipster life. Perhaps, I don't fully understand what a hipster is? From what I've seen, it looks cool! I'd love ...

I was never the princess, nor did I ever want to be. I didn't buy dresses, or anything pink, and for a time, I wished I was had been born a boy. It seemed like life was simpler as a boy. They played in the mud, didn't have to wear frilly little dresses. They weren't constantly told to act ladylike in public, and it always seemed like they got the best toys. (I was that unashamed child asking for the boy toys in the McDonald's kids meal) I grew up in a house of girls. They only male in the house was my father and quite frankly, I became his little boy. From time to time, several of my male cousins would come to live with us, so I got plenty of practice doing what the boys did. Don't get me wrong, I played with Barbies, and dress up, and all the things little girls do. But my favorite games were, cops and robbers, or civil war games. I was especially fond of my medieval knights Lego sets. Which I'm happy to announce Lego has once again, started stocking these cl...

Remember those times we were little? It seemed like being an adult was so cool. Adults could stay up as late as they wanted, eat or drink whenever they felt like it, and it didn't seem like anyone could tell them what to do! Right? WRONG!!! What a pipe dream that was! Where's my life of mystery, intrigue, and adventure?? And why don't I buy more boxes of Cap'n Crunch? More often than not, I find myself wishing I was a kid again, I know crazy!!! But, I do enjoy being an adult, except for, now I need to have plans for the future, goals, and some sort of an assemblance of an idea on what I'm doing. Most the time I feel like I'm wandering through space, taking baby steps to see if I'll fall through the floor. It was easy, my goals in life at 10 were, Get a super cool Sony Walkman, play with my favorite Lego sets, and someday, way off in the future, go to college. What for? who cares!!! But, my attitude about things have changed. I've gone to college,...

Hello, I've always contemplated having a blog. Mostly, I like the idea of having a not so private diary. But, realize I can get into a lot of trouble doing so. Well, let's hope I'm wise about it and I bring more good than bad into my little world. A little bit about me, I'm inching my way toward 30 (kind of scary to admit) and finding my way through my spiritual life, love, family, and my curious existence. I find that all things are interconnected and you can't have one without the other. While I try, I often fail at something. But, that's okay. We go through growing pains, learn more about ourselves, and often about the people around us. So, hopefully, this little blog continues to help me grow. I'll either get knocked down or raised up, only one way to find out. Here we go, delving into My Curious Existence. Enjoy!