Prayer

I'll end today reflecting.

You see, I'm working on change. Change in behaviors, finances, goals, self image, and self confidence. I like to think I'm a confident person. Well, at least for other people. I'm almost certain that everyone else in the world  has more confidence in their pinky than I have in my entire body. I usually allow my fears to take over, sending me into a hyperventilating mess of a human being sobbing on the floor. Alright, I'm exaggerating... A little! I see people who seem as if they have it all figured out and put together. They appear to be making a difference, to be succeeding, but I feel lost.

What is the difference between them and I? Is it simply a facade, are they just pretending? Perhaps they are, but all this worrying about who's got it all together isn't going to do me any good either. I know I need to step out and do it, to reach just beyond my comfort zone. To be willing to lay down the worries and what if's to see what's waiting for me. God, I pray that I can succeed, but I realize I can't do it on my own. Life is bigger than me and anything I can imagine, but not for Christ.

I don't recognize my purpose, but the Father does. I can't know what's ahead, but I can prepare for it. My task is to come to the cross daily and simply listen. I can talk, all day long, but I won't listen. I can cry out and plea in vain, but I still won't listen. I can scream and yell, and pound the ground, demanding a answer, but I am still not listening. How could I, if I don't quiet my whole being to simply listen? God's answering me, or perhaps, he's just waiting for me to be ready. To sit down and thank him for the things I do have, and just mediate on Him.

He's not an uncaring God, or waiting for me to fail. He's not raining down terror on me, hoping that I'll get the point. But he will use whatever situations I'm in to reach out to me. I can't do everything on my own, and we're not intended to do so. What wonderful gifts wait for us, when we learn to depend and trust him. My eyes are opened to it, yet, I still falter. I'm not perfect and the beauty of it is, I don't have to be. I can just give it my best try and ask for help. Doors will open and blessings will pour out. We're human, as such, we are imperfect beings. We will screw this up, but the forgiveness and love, have no boundaries.

I will continue to work on this vessel, making it right in the eyes of the Father. Leaning steadfastly to His loving, unwavering arms. Change will happen and it's up to me and how I choose to prepare. So, onto path of the my creator and strength, and source of peace. 

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